A few years ago me and an ex-boyfriend were talking about brothers who engage in homosexual activities, but live their lives in secret and also have relations with women.
My ex made the comment that he wasn't angry about brothers sleeping with men, but he was angry for them doing it on the low, and exposing women who then bring it back to him and his friends. (Let's put the ignorance of his unprotected sex aside for a minute)
I thought about what he said and I asked him, if the brothers came out how would you treat them? If it was one of your road dogs, would it be business as usual? Would you still kick it and play ball and just let who he sleeps with be his business? He started laughing and paused and said that was a hard question. He said he would be afraid to kick it one of his boys who was openly gay because people might think he was gay if he didn't have a problem kicking it with him.
So I asked him, if you had a secret that would mean you wouldn't be able to see any (or most) of your friends any more, you couldn't kick it like you used to, simple things, like chillin' or playing ball, and your whole world would turn upside down, would tell the secret? If just sharing a piece of your private life would mean that a large percentage of your personal community would ostracize you, would you still just put it out there... just to be open or would you keep that shit to yourself?
This time he paused for a long time. He said he never thought about that way, and it scared him.
I have gay friends who tell me their experience is similar to mine as far as prejudice experiences as a Brown woman. I've responded that I didn't think so... that there is a grave difference with experiencing prejudice for something you don't have the option of hiding (color of your skin, your sex) versus something you can decide to divulge. Pain is pain, AND I think it is a different experience when you live it 24/7 with no off button option. I can't go some place where people don't know I'm a Brown woman.
So... what would you do? Could you be honest and share your truth that may make your best friend stop speaking to you or your family disown you? Could you do it? Would you do it?
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I would only tell the people that I decide to sleep with only. It's really nobody elses business.
ReplyDeleteChele
"I Can Only Be Me"
I would not let that stop me from being friends with anyone. They were doing what they were doing before you knew about them being Gay and you were friends. So nothing has really changed only who they sleep with which I really don't care about. What I care about is how they treat me as an individual. I am only concerned about the person heart. Good heart good person Gay or not.
ReplyDeleteChele - Word! And thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - But would you tell if it were you? Thanks for the post!
I hope I would tell anyone I slept with - not sure about anyone else.
ReplyDelete