For many years I've struggled with being too literal... If you say you are going to call me "right back," I literally expected right back - less than five minutes. Over the years I've learned to accept there are many people who don't say what they mean; they say something close to what they mean. For example:
Says: "What do you think? Be honest."
Means: "Give me some positive feedback."
Says: "Can I borrow some money?"
Means: "Can I have some money?"
Says: "I'll call you back."
Means: "I don't want to talk/I want to end this conversation."
Says: "I'll do anything for..."
Means: "I'll do what I think is reasonable - by my own judgment."
I think (hope, hope, hope) I'm doing a lot better with not taking people (or myself) too seriously. And, I also know it still is a struggle for me trusting people at their word because so many people don't say what they mean. If I tell someone I'll call them back and don't, it would bother me. Not because the call back is so serious, but because I didn't keep my word.
So... help me out people and tell me what you think? Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? Do you think it isn't that big of a deal if you don't live up to your literal words? Do you expect people to know what you mean against what you say? Does your personal community trust your word or have they learned not to believe exactly what you say?
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Life has taught me to lower my expectations of people because we are all a work in progress in some form or another, and our shortcomings show up in many different ways in different people. With that, I have been more generous with giving people the benefit of the doubt of good tentions within what they have said, or promised. I think people have gotten accustom to making other people feel comfortable, thereby polishing most of what they say, verses what they mean. I am totally guilty of it at times. Other times, I fully meant what I said, other shit just came up and I just don't have enough time in the day to circle back all the time, and I would hope that those who know me understand, and know that I work hard to following through with my word. That's the best I can do.
ReplyDeleteI Can Only Be Me
Yeah, in the world of being politically correct and being nice we've moved away from being honest. I try to stick with the Scarface theory - "All I have in this world is balls and my word!"
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting topic. I want to think about your questions and get back with you. (not right back, but I will get back to you) smile
ReplyDeleteWith being politically correct and being nice, I always wonder - but how will I know when you are being honest or if you are being a dishonest nice person? And is the thought that being dishonest doesn't hurt?
ReplyDeleteLOL - Anyoymous #2, I love the "not right back" clarification! It did make me smile!
ReplyDeleteHow come it has become more acceptable to lie under the thought of being nice? I want people to trust what I say.
ReplyDeleteIn general people know when I say something I mean it. I myself have been let down many times by people and their words and false promises. Like TD Jakes says "It's easy to be good to good people, it's hard to be good to nasty people." lol Basically to me that means even if they don't keep their end of the deal, it's best to still be who you are and stick to your word.
ReplyDeleteI think the topic Is being looked at as Too literal. We have all said or responded to someone or something with or without the best intentions, but it (at least for me) depends on the person context and/ or situation. I may tell a collector to call me back in a hour with no intention of picking up that call, a guy I accidently gave my number to "I'll call you right back" thinking in my head "never" or a close friend "I'll call you as soon as I get to town" and find myself to caught up to actually make that call right away. For me I rely on the believe that the person whom I directing the comment towards will assume my intention and If I must have the conversation get the answer or information sooner then my response comes I'll call again.
ReplyDelete